


"Choosing"

by a_carnal_mink



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Vessel Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-30
Updated: 2011-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-24 04:27:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_carnal_mink/pseuds/a_carnal_mink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has a confession to make to Jimmy. He does it with burgers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Choosing"

**Author's Note:**

> Website: [weltonbmarsland.com](https://weltonbmarsland.com/)

  
Burger. Jimmy could smell a hamburger. And onion rings.

Slowly, blinking a little, Jimmy opened his eyes. All his senses rushed at him at once and his mind reeled at the onslaught. He was outside – it was dusk – he was in the mountains – the weather was chilly – birds were prattling at each other – there wasn't another human being for, probably, miles – he was sitting on a hard bench – his hands rested on weathered wood, a picnic table – he could smell pine trees and a hamburger and onion rings.

'Hello, Jimmy.'

His mind settling, Jimmy turned his head to the right and gave the glowing form seated beside him a cursory look. 'Castiel.'

'I thought you might enjoy a small repast.'

Jimmy's fingers were already unwrapping the burger from its paper, lifting it to his mouth.

'What year?' he asked through a mouthful of ambrosia. 'And where are we?'

'It is two-thousand-and-ten,' came the reply. 'The end of January. And we're currently in the mountains above Vancouver.'

'Canada?' Jimmy swallowed and took another bite, eyes scanning the impressive view. 'Huh. I've never been to Canada before.'

'Not strictly true. We spoke at length with a young girl in Nunavut this past November.'

Jimmy nodded absently and continued eating. Castiel sat companionably by and waited. When he was done with his burger, Jimmy enjoyed a long drink from the cup of soda accompanying his meal and then took up the cardboard basket of onion rings and turned slightly more toward the waiting angel. 'So. Are we done now? That why you're out of me?'

The edges of Castiel's form shimmered and re-settled. 'I'm afraid not. We still have much to do.'

Jimmy munched on an onion ring, nodding glumly. Figured. No such luck.

'I needed to speak with you,' Castiel offered. 'I have a confession to make.'

'I'm not a priest, Cas.'

'I'm well aware. But still…'

'Alright.' Jimmy put the onion rings down and dusted fried breadcrumbs from his fingers. 'Out with it, then. What's on your mind?'

'Dean Winchester. Mainly.'

Oookay. 'He still alive? The other one, too?'

'They are. They're hunting down Lucifer.'

Jimmy's eyebrows lifted. 'Really? Shit. That's a tough gig.'

Castiel nodded once. 'About as difficult as you and I trying to find God.'

'Oh, so that's what we've been doing? And how's that working out?'

Castiel regarded him with an even stare before saying, slowly, 'Our search continues.'

Jimmy felt like needling him some more, but thought better of it and took another drink of soda instead. 'You said something about a confession?'

Castiel's form seemed to glow a little brighter. 'It concerns Dean. I have… lain with him.'

'You've… I'm sorry – what?'

'We've lain together, Dean and I.'

Jimmy's mind reeled again, running Castiel's words over and over, trying to work out if they really meant what he thought they did. 'Are, are you talking about sex? You trying to tell me you've had sex with Dean Winchester?'

'I am. I have.' A pause and then, 'And I wish to again.'

Could angels joke? More importantly – could _Cas_ joke? Jimmy contemplated the notion for about half a second before dismissing it as ridiculous. Castiel was being completely and utterly – alarmingly – serious.

Jimmy stared down at his own hands as he thought about it, piecing together tiny snippets of memory, of half-remembered moments of consciousness from here and there. It wasn't nearly as shocking a revelation as Jimmy might've thought, if he'd ever had cause to think of such a thing. Castiel and Dean were close, anyone could see that; even someone kept mostly dormant inside his own body and mind.

And that's when the penny dropped with a thunk.

'My body!' Jimmy spluttered, twisting around to look properly at Castiel beside him. 'You had sex with Dean WITH MY BODY!'

'I should have had this conversation with you before last night,' Castiel conceded. 'For that, I am truly sorry, Jimmy.'

'You're sorry for not getting my permission to use my body for sex? For gay sex? Fucking HELL, Cas!' Jimmy rubbed his hands over his face, trying to force himself to deal with all this, to not freak the fuck out or let his roiling stomach reject the food he'd just eaten. He squirmed a little, trying to determine if his body ached in ways it never had before. 'How?' he suddenly demanded to know. 'How did you do it? Which way did you do it?'

Castiel merely blinked at him, uncomprehending. 'I don't understand – '

'Did you let him fuck me?'

'Jimmy, I – no.'

Well, that was something, at least.

'Jimmy, please. What Dean and I did together, what we shared, it wasn't sordid. It was… an expression of love.'

'An expression of love?' Jimmy scoffed at him. 'A little Hallmark, don't you think, Cas?'

'I don't – '

'Yeah, I know you don't.' Jesus. As if this entire situation, this whole _arrangement_ wasn't bizarre enough already. Now the angel he played host to had to go and fall in love. Could his life GET anymore messed up? Jimmy took in a big, bone-deep breath and let it out again in a long sigh.

'I understand your anger,' Cas said quietly. 'I know I deserve to receive it. But I want you to know, I didn't let him hurt you. Dean had no desire to harm you either.'

'So, what? You just _snuggled_ or something?'

'Dean doesn't like that word.'

He couldn't help it – Jimmy smiled at that. He looked down at his hands again, finding himself wondering, suddenly, about what they'd done. These hands had touched Dean Winchester. Held him, probably. What else had they done? And what about the rest of him? What about his mouth? His throat clicked as he swallowed thickly.

'We shared many kisses,' Castiel offered, voice low and serious. 'And we were, uh, very close. It was… very warm, very compelling, this… gentle, shifting dance of bodies. Then it became less gentle, though no less adoring.'

Jimmy licked his lips, listening to Cas struggling to describe his first experience of sex, grasping for the right words to describe making love for the first time. It was so guileless and innocently charming, practically goddamn _endearing_ , that Jimmy's anger receded to a degree.

'I was intoxicated.'

Jimmy looked up at him sideways. 'You were drunk?'

'No. Intoxicated with the… feeling.' Cas said the word like it was something alien which, all things considered, it pretty much was. 'I should have been stronger to resist it. Should have waited to discuss with you before proceeding. Should – '

'I get it,' Jimmy told him. 'I understand, okay? You got caught up in the moment. It happens. Especially when you're, you know. In love, or whatever.'

Castiel tilted his head a little to one side, considering. 'I'm sorry I used your body without permission.'

'I haven't been with anyone else since I first met Amelia,' Jimmy said absently. 'Since I first laid eyes on her, even.'

'This won't tarnish the vow you made before God.'

'Well, that's nice to know.' Jimmy didn't hold back the bitterness in his tone. He sighed again and looked out across the wooded mountains. The light was fading properly now, though Jimmy figured he'd be able to see for a good long while still, thanks to all the glowing going on to his right. 'What else?' he eventually asked. 'What else did you do?'

'He let me touch him.' Cas' voice was very quiet. Intimate. 'Showed me how to bring pleasure to us both. And he… he kissed me…'

'You mentioned that.'

'I don't mean on my mouth.'

Oh.

God, how long had it been since Jimmy'd last got a blowjob? And now he hadn't even been aware he was getting one. Awesome.

'Can you do me a favour?'

'Of course,' Castiel said immediately. 'Anything, Jimmy.'

'If you do this again? Hell, _when_ you do this again, can you let me be just a little bit awake for it?'

'But why would you want that?'

Jimmy reached for the forgotten onion rings and popped one into his mouth. They'd gone cold by now, but he didn't care. Taking a moment to chew and swallow, he contemplated Castiel's question. Why would he want that, indeed?

'It'd be nice to be kissed again.' He hadn't even realised he'd been thinking that, but there the words were, falling out of him like the most natural thing in the world.

'You made a vow to Amelia.'

'And broke it when I gave my body to you.' Wow. Where'd that come from? Jimmy rubbed the side of his neck, agitated.

Castiel shifted slightly at his side. 'The situations are wildly dissimilar.'

'Tell me about it. But shit, it's the End of Days, right? Lucifer's walking the Earth and God's gone AWOL and angels are falling in love with guys who sing along with Ozzy Osbourne singing about Satan. Getting kissed once in a while, maybe even – ' Jimmy took a breath. 'Maybe even enjoying a little more than that from time to time, it's not gonna be the end of me. Is it? It isn't gonna damn me.'

'You will never be damned,' Castiel was quick to point out. 'Paradise will _always_ await you, Jimmy Novak.'

Jimmy smiled softly. That was the Cas he'd first met. The Cas he'd given himself over to. The angel who had chosen him.

And who now, apparently, was also choosing Dean Winchester.

'Is he good to you?' Jimmy asked.

'Dean is… infuriating,' Castiel replied, his tone laced with obvious fondness. 'Impulsive and insouciant, shows little respect for my holiness, and mocks me on a regular basis. But when he looks at me, the _way_ he looks at me…' He shook his head, voice trailing off, the end of his sentence defying description.

Jimmy nodded in understanding. 'He's good to you.'

They sat in comfortable silence for a time, the angel and the man who carried him, both watching the light change on the snow-capped peaks surrounding them, watching birds taking to their roosts.

Eventually, Jimmy steeled himself to asking the question he'd burnt to ask since awakening. 'Do you know how Amelia and Claire are? Please tell me they're safe, Cas.'

'They are. You needn't fear for them.'

Jimmy nodded heavily and began gathering the litter from the tabletop. 'Well. I assume your God search isn't going to let us have a time-out for much longer?'

If Jimmy wasn't mistaken, that was an actual sigh he heard from Castiel then.

'There's a youth in a seminary in Australia I think we should talk to,' Cas told him. 'It's early afternoon there. We could be back to Montana just a few hours from now.'

'Montana,' Jimmy repeated. 'I'm guessing that's where the Winchesters are at the moment?'

Castiel almost-smiled at him. 'I will procure you some kisses.'

Jimmy smiled back. 'Come on, then. We've got work to do.'

**Author's Note:**

> Written December 2010.


End file.
